Shyness can be a difficult thing to overcome. Shy women often find themselves home alone on a Saturday night digging into a pint of ice cream because they just don’t know where to begin. Just the thought of going out to a bar or club to meet someone new fills them with dread. These dating tips have shy women just like you in mind.
10 Dating Tips for Shy Women
1. Get online
You would think getting online would just be a great way to reinforce your shyness and keep you home in your PJs. But sometimes, it’s a great place to get started. Dating websites like Match.com require you to fill out an extensive personal profile to help match you with the right person for you. In filling out these questionnaires, you may learn a few things about yourself and the type of guy you want to attract. Avoid getting into long-distance relationships, however, which may only make shyness worse. Connect with a guy who lives close to you and, when you’re both ready, meet in a public place and get to know each other. Meetup.com is a great place for like-minded people to meet without any pressure since it’s not a dating site.
2. Join a club or take a class
The bar scene isn’t the only place to meet the man of your dreams. Dial down the intimidation factor by joining a club for one of your hobbies. Don’t have a hobby? Ask your local adult education center to send you a pamphlet on the classes they offer during the semester. For a small classroom fee, you’ll be able to get your feet wet, meet new people and learn more about what makes you happy. The better you know yourself, the easier it will be to meet Mr. Right!
When it comes time to go out on a date with a new guy your nerves may be especially high. This is where practice comes in. Pick out the outfit you’re going to wear and get in front of the mirror to practice. Watch your body language and facial expressions as you imagine him sitting across a dinner table from you. What would you like to do? How do you want to get him interested? Seeing how you look to others can help go a long way in helping you modify your behavior and increase your confidence.
4. Learn to listen
You were born with two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listening is very important and it’s the shy lady’s defense against awkward silences. Really listen to what your date has to tell you and reflect back to him when he speaks. Practice looking him in the eye, nodding, smiling, and acknowledging him and it will get easier with time. If you spend the whole date contemplating the silverware, he’ll think you’re just not interested.
5. Ask open-ended questions
Another great way to take some of the pressure off on a date is to ask open-ended questions. These help to turn the focus back around on your date and get him to open up more and, in turn, feel listened to. Open-ended questions are the types of questions designed to get him to elaborate on something he said instead of responding with a simple “yes” or “no”. Examples of open-ended questions include, “What does this mean to you?” and “Why do you feel that way?”
6. Keep up with current events
This doesn’t mean you have to become a news hound but shy ladies can definitely benefit from having something to talk about when there’s a lull in the conversation. Avoid politics and religion, however, until you’ve gotten to know each other a little better.
7. Smile and make eye contact
For some shy women, a smile has to be genuine or it looks like a plastered-on grin. To get that genuine smile even when you’re nervous, think about a person or even that made you feel safe and happy and use that smile on him. Also, make eye contact when he’s speaking. Don’t stare unblinking at him but making regular eye contact to show interest.
Shyness can create a lot of anxiety and cause you to breathe very shallowly or even hold your breath. When you’re feeling anxious, take a slow, deep breath, hold it and let it out.
9. Offer a compliment
Find something about his outfit, hair or eyes to compliment. A compliment is a natural ice-breaker and can release some of the tension of a first meeting. It can also lead to asking open-ended questions. “Your eyes are such an interesting shade of green. Where did you get them?” If he’s a wisecracker, he may tell you he got them at a discount store but this can also open up a dialogue about his family, which will make him feel closer to you.
10. Use your body language
Shy women can sometimes have a difficult time expressing their interest through words. This is where body language comes in. A woman’s body language tells a man she’s into him and wants to be more than just friends. This could be something as simple as trailing your index finger along the rim of a glass or reaching out to gently brush his hand. When you walk in front of him, swivel your hips a little or give him a sideways glance over your shoulder. If you haven’t done much flirting before, these techniques can seem a bit awkward. Practice them in front of a mirror first to see how you look.
How to Gain Confidence and Overcome Shyness
Shy ladies often have a difficult time in social situations because they’re self-focused. This isn’t the same thing as self-absorbed. Self-absorbed women are overly confident and tend to think they’re the sexiest, more interesting woman in the room. When you’re self-focused, you pay close attention to everything you’re doing wrong in a social setting and are constantly monitoring yourself for a social slip-up. This can lead to anxiety, stuttering, avoiding eye contact, and trying to sink into a wall. People often misinterpret these signs of insecurity as disinterest and will be unlikely to engage you in conversation.
Overcoming shyness may be as simple as removing the negative self-talk from your inner dialogue. Instead of concentrating on what you think you might do or say wrong, focus on your positive attributes. Realize that everybody, regardless of social status, has moments of awkwardness. Nobody is perfect and nobody expects you to be either. It’s important for shy women to learn to like themselves for who they are before attempting to date and make new friends.
Many shy woman also are unaware the situations are temporary. Just because nobody got the punch line to your joke, don’t bow out of the social setting and reinforce your shyness. Instead, laugh and make a joke about the joke. “Well, that didn’t exactly land did it?” A little self deprecation goes a long way in endearing you to others.
A lot of times self-confidence is about faking it until you make it. This could mean boosting those good feelings about yourself by buying yourself a new dress, getting your hair done, and experimenting with pheromone perfumes to entice his interest.
When you get to know yourself and learn to love your own unique qualities, other people will be naturally drawn to you. Mr. Right is out there and he’s looking for you. The real you, shyness and all. Don’t give up. Hold your head up high, smile, and take on the world, one bite-sized chunk at a time!
What about you? Do you have trouble getting men to notice you?